One Man’s Attraction Is Another Man’s Repulsion
by Cathy Sovinsky
This article was published in DC Mentors’ April 2007 Ezine. In light of the topic being brought up on the Forum, I’d like to share it with you again. Enjoy!
Half way through my elliptical training on Saturday morning, the yoga class let out at the gym. I could tell because of the surge of people filing by me. Ask anyone who knows me in my gym and they’ll tell you that cardio just isn’t my thing. I just can’t muster up any enthusiasm for it, but I know it’s necessary, so away to the machines I go. I plug into my iPod and attempt to find some upbeat, inspiring music that will take my mind away from the reality of running in place for as long as I can tolerate it.
After the yoga surge had passed, I could still “feel” an intrusion happening around me. Someone was in my space. Looking around I saw a man approach the woman on the treadmill in front of me. He was in his late 20′s and looked like a skinny, much less masculine, Hippie version of Grizzly Adams. He stalked up and reached out to touch the woman on the treadmill on the shoulder. I went on alert and was ready to pounce on him if he tried anything as weird as he felt. She apparently knew him and they chatted for a moment. I went back to trying to forget I was running to nowhere. Just as I was back into flow, he turned from her and took three steps toward me. He reached into his pocket and slowly, like they reach for their guns in the movies, he pulled out a piece of paper. He reached up and, not saying a word (I had headsets on and wouldn’t have heard anyhow), placed the paper on the edge of my elliptical machine. His hand hovered for a moment to make sure it would stay balanced there, he patted it and gestured to me that it was from him to me and giving a small bow, he walked off. Namaste whatever Dude.
Trying to keep up my pace and act like I wasn’t interrupted, I glanced at the paper and noticed it was the back of a business card with a hand written note on it. I pondered for a moment whether I wanted to pick it up and read it, or just flick it off onto the floor, or get off the machine and hunt him down to tell him what I thought of his tactics. It was an unwelcome intrusion, to say the least. I just wanted to keep in flow with my cardio. Curiosity finally got the best of me. Enough time had passed, I figured he’d left the building. I picked up the note and read it.
He wrote, and I quote, (yes I saved it. I knew I had to share it with you!):
I’ve been observing you. Be aware of your knees. If they point inwards you will strain your Quadratus Lumborum, Psoas/Illiacus , and Adductors. This closes down your hips (1st & 2nd Chakras). Try to keep your hips-knees-feet in line and your lower back will flow properly. Call me if you need help with any bodywork. – Jeff
I turned the card over – “Holistic Wellness Center – Chiropractor, Bodywork & Nutrition.”
Oh the pain! He’s a Chiropractor . . . well, at least 1/3 of him is.
There’s been a resurgence of the “The Law of Attraction” and I had to share this story with you. What the giver perceives as attractive, the receiver just might find repulsive.
This whole scene was unattractive. I’m sure you don’t have the creepy feel that this guy did, but I hear too often the way chiropractors talk with people (patients and potential patients alike).
Please, don’t use technical terms if you’re trying to connect with a human being. I happen to know all those big words he wrote because I did my husband’s dictation in practice, but I’m not impressed. I can even spell them, so what?! He didn’t prove to me how smart he is. No connection could possibly be created with that vocabulary.
In general, people don’t want your opinion, unless they ask for it! UNsolicited advice is UNwelcome. I considered, for a brief second, that perhaps there was something there for me to learn. But I couldn’t get over the invasion of my space and time to listen to what he might be trying to say with his big words. Once people get to know you, see you around, have a few small talk sessions about the weather, observe your confidence and trustworthiness, THEN they’ll actually ASK you for your opinion. That’s attractive. Forcing your agenda is not.
Another tip: People don’t like to be criticized. I don’t like to be criticized even when I do ask for your opinion, but at least then I’ll listen. I more or less despise aerobic exercise. I’m doing it and that’s a good thing. Someone who wanted to be attractive in my book would tease me about the look on my face while I’m on the elliptical machine while they encourage me to keep up the good work, not tell me I’m doing it wrong. And they wouldn’t be able to approach me without some former rapport having been built already.
Lastly, (need I even say this?!) a man should NEVER offer an unfamiliar woman help with any bodywork! Creepy, creepy, CREEPY!
DC Mentors talks a lot about being contactable in your community. Wherever you go, there you are, representing you and your practice. The definition of contactable isn’t wearing a billboard, handing out cards to strangers and expounding to all around you about what you do and how you can help them. Being contactable is getting to know people, developing rapport and recognition in the community so that when someone does need a chiropractor, guess who they’ll think of first?