Losing "It"
Internal Self Control is the ability to stay rational, objective and in control when you are faced with a stressful, emotional situation. Do you allow the external environment’s stress levels to affect your internal levels?
It was 7:00 Saturday evening. We had just discovered that our connecting flight back from Christmas vacation was delayed 4 ½ hours, so into the typical airport sports bar we went. My husband was simultaneously watching the 3 different football games that were playing on the bar’s flat screens which left me the task of people watching.
There were a lot of uptight people around. Ours was not the only flight with troubles. The previous day the airport had been shut down because of tornado warnings and the repercussions were fairly substantial. Many of the people walking around had been there for over 36 hours, waiting and attempting to get out on several flights on standby, only to be turned away time after time. Cots and blankets were the new décor of the gate waiting areas.
I had a direct view of the bar from the table we were sitting at. The bartender was fantastic. He was upbeat and jovial with his clientele, giving a brief refuge to their stressful day, someone who’d actually listen to their travel woes. The bar was full and he was very attentive to everyone.
Then his boss came up to him and led him to the corner of the bar. I could see he was quietly, but firmly reprimanding him, I couldn’t tell why.
His boss left and the bartender lost it. He didn’t go nuts and throw things, he lost “it.” He lost his smile, he lost his service attitude. He was no longer focused on the people at the bar. He was focused on his own problem, the discussion he’d just had with his boss. People had to start asking him for another beverage, he was no longer aware their glasses were empty. He didn’t pour with a smile, he wore a scowl. He even began discussing the interaction he’d had with his boss with a customer seated at the bar.
People began to leave the bar. They didn’t have anywhere to go, they just lost their refuge and went elsewhere to find it. No one took their places at the empty barstools. The bar was emptying.
First, let me say, the bartender’s boss was very un- cool for reprimanding him in front of customers. That’s just a rookie move. However, I’d bet that the bartender would have responded similarly even if the reprimand had been in private and he had to go back into the trenches.
Patients are our bosses, each and every one of them. When one tells you they aren’t getting better, or expresses concern about the way you adjusted them, not only do you have to handle them appropriately, you have to drop the feeling when you go to the next patient. You cannot let it effect your other patient interactions, or you’ll end up with a waiting room empty as fast as the bar and an appointment book with disappearing ink.
One of 80 Leadership Skills that we measure in all our clients show us if you have the ability to get back in the game quickly. It’s called Internal Self Control. And if your score is low it will affect your bottom line. The good news is that you can improve! The fact is you have the power to control your reactions.
Internal Self Control is the ability to stay rational, objective and in control when you are faced with a stressful, emotional situation. Do you allow the external environment’s stress levels to affect your internal levels?
When you allow your emotions to lead your actions you are no longer in charge of the situation, you become are a part of it. If you have a good Internal Self Control you can distance yourself from the emotions of moment and logically deal with the situation as it happens.
How can you develop your Internal Self Control?
You must identify your triggers, your somatic markers; those things that you know make you feel out of control. It may be confrontation, it may be someone trying to make you guilty, it may be that you don’t like to feel that you’ve let someone down. There are many other possibilities.
Once you know your triggers, you can manage your reaction better. Don’t get me wrong, you may still feel upset or angry, but your reaction with the patient in front of you as well as any subsequent patients will remain calm and productive.
Here are some other things that can assist you in developing your Internal Self Control:
- Exercise, it’s a great stress reliever. A healthy and relaxed body is better prepared to handle the rush of adrenaline that happens when you are under fire.
- Talk with others who experience similar situations to see how they handle it. Ask your coaches for assistance.
- If you find yourself getting emotional in a situation, find a way to temporarily excuse yourself from the situation – just take a moment to “look for a file.” It can give you time to take a deep breath and regain perspective.
- Prepare yourself for potential trigger situations – Train using DC Mentors’ Handling Patient Objections. Add your own common/reoccurring stressful situations to the list and prepare your own logical responses to them.
Develop your Internal Self Control so you can give each patient the level of service they are used to in your office, each and every time. You have the control. Take charge.