By Cathy Sovinsky

In my small town we dont have mail delivery. I guess between the considerable snowfall, the transient population and all the second homeowners the postal service feels its more reasonable for us to come to them. Consequently, a trip to pick up the mail almost always ensures you will run into someone you know.

Yesterday I ran into Mary. Mary was the first person I hired to watch our dog, Midas, while we traveled. She loved Midas, was well established in town and insured. I used her exclusively for four years. All I asked, all I wanted her to do was come to our house twice a day, morning and evening, to walk, feed and water him when we were out of town. She, however, could never bear the long face he gave her when it was time for her to leave, so she would end up taking him with her to all her doggie play groups, as well as dragging him all over town on her errands, and eventually without permission she kept him all night.

Wed come home and Midas was thrilled to see us. I noticed he was exhausted and hoped it was from playing so much, but suspected that he wasnt sleeping enough because he was nervous about sleeping at her house and with her dogs. He usually takes a one eye open approach to these situations so that hes not left out of anything. I also started to notice that he had puncture holes in his rather substantial leather collar and in his neck! I realize when dogs get together theres a power struggle and dominance must be established, but I never asked for him to be taken to play groups. I know its just a dog and you may say, Let him have some fun. You see, people do things for their reasons, not yours. The reason I want a sitter for my dog is to keep him safe while Im away. It all stems from an experience I had when we first move up to Tahoe. We had a darling cat that got out while we were on vacation and the house sitter couldnt find her. I came home and found her furry remnants all over my front yard. She was an inside cat, certainly not prepared for the wildlife we have here. So, I really dont care if the dog has fun while were gone. I just want him back the way I left him. He has a very balanced life and has plenty of fun the rest of the time when were around. People have all kinds of beliefs and wishes because of the experiences theyve had in there lives. You cant control them, but you may be able to influence them eventually.

About a year ago I asked Mary to watch Midas for a weekend and she couldnt because she was leaving town too. She referred me to her friend, Meredith. I interviewed Meredith and really liked her. She seemed more composed, calm and less scattered than Mary. I told her all about Midas and what I wanted her to do. I even added, I know Mary is your friend. She likes to take him to play groups and to her house and shes doing service above and beyond what shes getting paid for...But could you please just come, by yourself, and walk him, give him some one to one attention and leave him here I tried my hardest not to make Mary wrong or bad.

Sure, no problem. she said. I felt instant relief.

Short story long, Ive never used Mary again. She even called when she found out I was using Meredith a second time (bold I thought) and I explained that Id like to use both of them. I just felt it was easier for Meredith to leave him in the house when shes done, but when I wanted him to go out and play or if I leave on longer trips Id like to use her. Our traveling diminished somewhat but my preference for Meredith hasnt. I didnt want to burn any bridges. If Meredith was ever busy, Id use Mary in a heart beat. Also, knowing human nature, I could just hear Marys inside voice, I went out of my way and this is the thanks I get. I didnt want to hurt her feelings, but as a consumer of her service, I expected her to provide the service I wanted.

Well, I came face to face with Mary yesterday at the post office. Cold is putting it mildly. I was given an icy, Hi, with absolutely no eye contact. I stopped to talk, Hey Mary. Great to see you. Hows your summer going Okay, she said and kept walking away.

I completed my post office tasks and was driving home re-running the meeting in my head. You little...(circle, for those of you who attended Brain Spa), I thought, Blow me off, I think not. I hope Meredith never has any other plans because as far as Im concerned, after this last meeting, I have no back up. I will never use Mary again. I will never refer again and, as a matter of fact, I will steer people away from her when asked.

Youve had similar patient scenarios. You feel like you gave them a superior level of service, spent extra time with them each visit, came in after hours because they were in pain, maybe even discounted your fee for them and/or their kids and then, POOF. Out of nowhere you get a Request for X-rays from the guy across town.
Do you call them and let them know you know they are going to another Chiropractor Do you attempt to change their mind and control their decision like Mary did

How do you handle it when you see them in the grocery store or in a restaurant Do you take it personally and hide, duck into another aisle or turn your chair to avoid the situation Do you play the hurt, wounded, poor me game Thatll show them. But what it will show them isnt that great or attractive.

Do you put on a superior air, maybe even get angry They blew it. They dont know what they had, is the voice you hear in your head. It can be seen and heard on the outside as well.

Or do you follow the Fourth Way Treat them as equals. Keep your heart, mind and doors open. Make a connection with them as a human, not as a patient that quit, not controlling or out of fear but from freedom and love.

You see, its okay to take it personally when a patient leaves, but do it for about 5 seconds. Then reflect as to why they may have left for 5 minutes, max. What could you have done differently Maybe the other doctor is closer to the kids school or the patients workplace. Maybe their employer switched insurance carriers and the other doctor is on their list. In both these cases perhaps youve done what you can. It is the patients choice. Maybe its not about you. Maybe its just better for them. Perhaps they had to wait too long in your office and the other doctor gets them in and out quicker. In this case do what you can to rectify the problem in your office.

Now, LET GO of the patients that left because if you keep holding on and stewing about it no one else will come in to replace them. There is simply no room in your heart, your head or your office for others. And when you run into them around town there will be no problem. Youll leave the door open for them to return, welcomed, if and when they want to. And you dont have to bring up the subject, you dont have to invite them back or verbally tell them that the door is open. People can just sense these things.